I'm sorry it's been a month since I've written here. I'm really frustrated today, so I turned to this. Woo... I have to thank Randy for letting me here Alone in Kyoto because it's now one of my favorite songs, seeing as I've listened to it all night. I really don't understand Candy and her thinking. I guess it's unnecessary for me to have a lock on my door? What if I want privacy..? Oh wait, I forgot there isn't any of that in this house. I'm SO ANGRY. I want to rip myself apart from all this anger. I really don't know how I'm going to handle all of these things coming at me in my life, and I really don't know how I've kept from punching Matthew and Candy both. I'm really furious right now. I kind of really wish I had a stress ball... it would help my anger. Maybe I'm over reacting, and I don't know why I have such strong feelings against Candy and Matthew, but I really just can't handle it all. This just really sucks because I have no idea why Dad felt like he had to marry Candy. I know I'll never understand, and that's the frustrating thing. I don't know why we're being forced to go through all of this crap, and why we have to deal with her. I know I can't see into Heavenly Father's logic, but I can't think of any logical reason why she is in my life at this point. It sucks because I have to trust Heavenly Father so much, but I don't know if I know how to. Sometimes I feel like I'm a lost cause. I don't know what I'm doing here if all I'm going to do is screw up over and over again.