I'm beginning to question my sanity and happiness. I really am wondering if I am seriously, truly happy. I feel like whenever I am around people I am fake and... pretending to be happy, but without knowing it. It's so utterly hard to explain.... all I know is that I feel like my real emotions come out when I am around family, and every time I've been with Jessica and Randy, I feel unhappy or something... I don't know... not necessarily unhappy, but just... numb. It's not because of them too, by the way, it's just my real feelings coming out? I don't know. It's so hard to explain. Things just aren't going perfectly, which I guess is how teenage life is, but they aren't going horribly.... so I guess things are just kind of mediocre... who knows. I'm so extremely happy that it's Fall now. Fall is my all time favorite season, and I don't know why. It just gets to me... and I feel so much more whole than I do during summer and spring.. It's such a hard feeling to describe.